2 Bottles Of Fish Sauce, ZERO Bottles Of Lotion


The moment when you realized you’ve sold your soul and it’s being stored in an old condom that was once used on Lena Dunham and twice used on Kat Stacks.

Ok. It’s not that bad but it’s time I do a mental inventory on my life and where it’s going.

I look around at all the things I’ve accomplished, all the success, all the trips, all the free stuff, then back to the 50 inch flat screen smart tv in my messy living room and ask myself have I officially hit rock bottom. A box of ramen noodles lay on my kitchen floor that I cooked one pack of to make this.

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I need to get my priorities straight, I have two bottles of fish sauce in my house and zero bottles of lotion. Something about that seems wrong.

I consider myself film God yet a fat fuck who never accomplished anything wants to tell me that I must have only seen 5 movies. Nigga you wouldn’t know a good movie if it slapped you in the face. That’s why when I see you I’m going to slap you with a copy of The Perfect Guy DVD.

I’m too aggressive. I need to calm down. Let me dial it back a little

I like to sit in airports to clear my mind of all the mayhem that goes on inside my skull to create thoughts like — Your WCW once had a threesome with Brigitte Nielsen and Flavor Flav and the condom got lost in her vagina.

I arrived at the airport at 7am for a 930am flight. I’m currently in the air on an aisle seat and everyone who walks past me feels a deep urge to bump me as they walk past. I’m heading to Beverly Hills for the second time in a week yet I feel conflicted. What once felt like what exactly God intended me do, now feels like a dentist poking around in your mouth after he’s given you three needle stabs of Novacane.

I’m 36 years old typing words on an iPhone with a cracked screen with several ideas for what’s next floating around in my head but I still haven’t created the one sheet or the deck to start trying to make my future a reality.

I’ve been blessed to find a person willing to give me a fish for the past 7 years but I know how to fish on my own and I’m still showing up for my daily serving of fish.

Only my fish spot is under new management and these new guys do things like assholes and idiots.

I’m running towards something really great but it just feels like I’m running top speed through the forest and a regular life as a customer service rep is walking behind me, fast on my heels, in hot pursuit and I keep falling down, tripping and choosing to hide behind this flimsy fence of false hype, fake family love with a few friends who don’t really like me.

I’ve decided I’m going to take a nap.

1 Comment

  1. Well I’m wishing you sweet dreams Blogger friend and wishing I was there with you as a friend. Where you put your fish sauce is totally your business, but I do think you should start taking your business to the next level since you seem indifferent about how you see your success. I follow this other Blogger called Ellebstyles and she started doing these Blogger Meetups and there is usually a small fee for lunch involved. Since you are able to travel you could totally make time to start sponsoring Blogger Events too. You could do yours on an even larger scale and charge a little more but give potential attendees time to plan and send in installment payments for travel, hotel, and meals. If you play it right, you could perform your comedy, speak, introduce products using goodie bags. It would give everyone a chance to network and connect socially. Oh and I’m glad you have someone to invest 7 years of their time being there for you. Just know that I think you are handsome, hot and your personality and skills can take you further. I would love to just meet you and give you a Xilla hug, an Abornewords kiss on the cheek and a locker room pat on your bottom, Just to compliment you and say way to go.

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